Monday, September 19, 2005

Mull Session

My eyes open, and within seconds I'm sitting up at the edge of the bed. Not yet quite awake, but no longer asleep. I light a cigarette and begin my daily mull session. Mull simply means to ponder, or think something through extensively. But it's not your averge way of thinking something throgh. No, this is something more. Something better. It's not exactly a voluntary action. It's not something that I set out to do within the 5 seconds after I wake up. It just happens. But this is the best type of pondering, if you will. It's a very serene and natural way to think things over. I sit complete with a blank stare. If you saw me you'd probably just think I'm still half asleep. These thoughts seem to come from nowhere. And are not necessarily about anything pertaining to recent events or those to come in the near future. I sometimes think of the oddest things, if there ever were such a thing. For the longest time this great event would take place, but I wouldn't pay too much attention to it. I would just let the thoughts run, and continue about my day. Most times continuing about it while it's going on. But that wouldn't be mulling, just thoughts running. Mulling is just the manner in which you let the thoughts come.

My most recent mull session was quite interesting. It dawned on me that there are millions of things in this world that I've never seen, yet I would swear to you that it does in fact exist. I've never been to New Zealand, and am not sure if I 've ever even seen pictures. So what would make me think that it's there? Never seen the Atlantic Ocean. How do I know it really exists? How do I know that these things are not all created by my mind to keep my in this illusory world? And all the things that I have seen and experienced, what about them? Do the only exist because I so willingly believe so? How am I even sure any person exists outside of myself?

I know that this is a very difficult subject to "mull over". It's hard to even put it down in print and have it come across the way that I want it to. It's very easy to stray from the original thought. Basically what I'm trying to say is that we don't really know that our eyes see anything. It's all in the mind. Even if the eyes did see things, it's the mind that interprets them. The only thing we truly see with is the mind. My mind has created color, shape, size. Words and pictures. Skyscrapers and meadows. But what law says that grass is green? Or is it merely an interpretation of the mind? People interpret things differently. Some see the glass as half empty, and some half full. You say poe-tay-toe, I say poe-tot-oh. I guess things probably aren't what they seem. How could they be when my world is different from yours? What created the idea of pain? Why can some tolerate more than others? Why can some eat hot foods while others can not? Somewhere along the line our mind had to give us these ideas.

This very concept is what makes a mull session what it is. It is you allowing, and being aware of, your minds creation. It is a very interesting thing. It's a form of meditation with your eyes wide open, in more ways than one. Think about all that your mind has created in your life that you were never aware of. Were you truly "aware" of what was taking place in your mind the first time you drank a cup of coffee? Or how about the first time you got a cold, or the flu? Are we ever truly aware of anything that our mind is interpreting for us? You can be when "mulling" something over.

This series of thoughts lead me to a concept that really threw me for a loop. Can a human being even handle mulling everything over? From eyes open to eyes shut, can person take understanding of everything it comes in contact within a day? Is the minds way of taking matters upon itself a blessing or a curse? Is it a defense mechanism, or a weapon of keeping us in the illusion? You've got me. Maybe I'll come to these answers in another session. Maybe not. But I sure would like to hear what others have to say on the subject. It's interesting and difficult. (five minutes have passed) The "it's interesting and difficult" observation that took place 5 minutes ago, I was not really "aware" of it. Maybe it isn't difficult at all. That's the mind taking over. Well, before I talk myself in circles, or bore myself to sleep, I'll leave this open to all who care to look. It's all yours............


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10:36 PM  
Blogger kayla said...

well, i can tell you the Atlantic is real, not something your mind made up. and yea, i know... i'm just being sassy.

i forgot about this blog. it's weird for me to read on these... the you i know (or knew) how much you've changed and how much has stayed the same.

the first time i read these like almost 2 years ago now i was an entirely different person- a little girl. i couldn't grasp any of these ideas you wrote of, i got frustrated and confused and i think i probably just gave up on trying to understand. but then something happened. you decided to stay around and teach me things for so many months... you made those changes in me. no, i did, really... but not without you.

i'll mull on that. and talk to myself because i can't imagine there being any way you still come back to this space. it was another lifetime.

11:11 AM  

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