Experiencing reality

How does one know if they are listening to the human mind or the higher mind? I think sometimes we just know. You can just feel it. The way I like to describe it's when it's my human mind doing the thinking it's more like a conversation in my head. When it's my higher mind things usually come in quick thoughts, images, or feelings. So I can definitely tell a difference. The hard part is being able to listen to that higher mind more often, I'm sure it's doing a lot more thinking than I realize.

I've been seeing a hypnotherapist for about a month and a half or so, and let me tell you, it's quite an experience. She's an astrologer, hypnotist, as well as clinical psychologist. I've known her for a few years now. Saw her for a while as a therapist alone. She has only been doing the hypnosis for a year or so. She told me right off the bat that she does nothing other than help me relax and find that place where I can talk with my higher self. She's right. It's self-hypnosis with a little help.

The first time we worked on relaxation. A couple of times during that session I felt myself slip into that state, I think they call it theta. It was distinct and quickly noticed. Though it only lasted a second or two, I could feel the change. I have a hard time visualizing things, so her technique of relaxation hasn't really been working all that well. We've been through a few more sessions, the outcome the same as the first. I saw her today, however, and while not drastically different, I can say it was progress. I was immediately relaxed, as I usually am whenever I close my eyes. I slipped into that state for a couple brief seconds. Was sort of having trouble quieting the human mind, though still relaxed. (it might be well to note that for some reason when I close my eyes not only do I immediately relax, but I tend not to feel any emotion at all.) She started counting back from 20 very slowly. At about 15 she counted a little quicker. And like the rapid descent in numbers I could feel my consciouness rapidly moving toward that state. At about 10 I don't remember anymore counting. This time the experience only lasted a minute or so, but I can tell you it was wonderful. The feeling alone is undescribable in human terms. She later told me that she could tell that I was there. She didn't ask me any questions, she thought it best to just let me sit there for as long as I could. The only thought I remeber coming to me was that I MUST become more aware of what my higher self is saying to me on a regulare basis. An image came to mind as well. Remember, I don't visualize when my eyes close, I usually just see black. Right before I slipped back out of that state I saw a butterfly. It was black with orange, shapless marks on the wings. It wasn't important what was around the butterfly, but it was setting still, yet flapping it's wings.

I know this wasn't like a dream where you sometimes dream about things you may have done or seen recently. I don't know if I've ever even given any type of thought to a butterfly. The way it happened was odd as well. It was just as I was coming back, and I didn't even really think about it until I had come out of it. I'm not sure what it means. I think though, that interpreting what your higher self says to you is just as important as recognising it in the first place. The other thing is that I don't dream either. It's been a very long time since I had a dream.......years since. I know it's not jsut that I don't remember them, because there was a time where I was sort of conscious in my dreams. I knew I was dreaming. I knew my body was sleeping, and I had the choice to either continue dreaming, or wake up. But, nowadays when I sleep, it's just that. Deep, hard sleep. It has been helpful as far as rest goes, but I do kind of miss dreaming.

Anyway.......the world has now truly witnessed the rambling that goes on inside this crazy head of mine. I'm not psychotic, don't worry. Just maybe too aware of the thoughts and workings of my mind. Some days it's good, some days I wish it wasn't this way. All in all, I am greatful for it. It will lead me to the inevitable quicker. We're all destined to find the truth. There is only one truth, and I don't not claim to know it. There is now way I could know. I'm not sure how anybody else could either. I think, however, that it is my job to be aware and on the look out for it. Unless "God" comes to me and tells me all........I won't know until I leave the human form. I see people whom so firmly believe in what they think is right. And I just say to myself, "buddy you have no clue. If you think you're right and millions of others must be wrong, you're way off course.". I think it's my place to allow others to be that way, yet at the same time know that I know nothing other than awareness. There are millions of ideas out there, how can any one be right. All methods, I think, lead to the same place. AWARENESS. I'm done.......thank you world of the internet for allowing me to spew.